The Folly of Scott Mclellan

Sic Semper Tyrannis

John Wilkes Booth said that after capping Lincoln in the back of the head at Fords Theatre. Now rumors are floating around Washington that Scott McClellan, former press secretary of the Bush administration, has tattooed it across his chest, and is planning to unveil his new body art at the Congressional hearing that he is the focus of.

"He(Booth) may have been a traitor, but the words still ring true today like they rang true in his(Booths) heyday." Said a noticeably flustered McClellan. "During my time in in the Bush white house, I saw, and participated in so many scandalous acts of indecency that I was actually visited by Satan himself one night, asking if I would be his new press secretary." Apparently the King of Darkness had fucked Reagan in the ass too hard one night, rendering The Dutch incapable of speech. "When I realized that the first of the fallen was coming to me to be his PR man, I knew I was doing something deeply immoral, and decided to readjust my values. Soon after I tendered my resignation, though not before Cheney had a chance to give me one last snarl. 'If you tell one fucking soul about what we did behind closed doors, I will eat your face', For a while I believed him," said a now crying McClellan. "but the prospect of being fucked in the ass to death by the great deceiver himself was too terrifying, and I promised myself that one day the truth would come out, and that, has set me free."

McClellen is set to testify before congress about the Bush administration's deceit of the American Public leading up the the war, insisting that "they knew all along that the were no WMD's, or intent to reconstitute a nuclear program, or even the link between Al Queda and Iraq."

When Joseph Wilson went to Niger to see if any allegations made by the administration held water, he was surprised to learn that Niger has neither the production capability to produce enriched Uranium, nor the intent to help Saddam Hussein in any way. He reported his findings in a Washington Post article that sent trembles through the Bush administration.

"He must be stopped, we have to hit 'em back, and hit 'em hard" Cheney was reported as saying.

Later that week an article appeared in which Valerie Plame, Wilson's wife, had her cover compromised as an undercover agent, a treasonous offense that in revolutionary times was punishable by hanging. The trail led to one Lewis "Scooter" Libby, though he denied all charges, he was found guilty by a Grand Jury, and sentenced to 2 and 1/2 years, a rather small punishment for the crime. Later findings would determine that the order to reveal Plames identity came from the second in command, one Dick Cheney.

George W. Bush would later commute Libby's sentence, saying "ol' Scooter was just following orders, you know how it is, personal loyalty is bigger than having a conscience around here."

McClellan now believes that the Vice President is actually trying to kill him, saying that "I've seen him lurking around my house at night wearing camouflage and carrying a double-barrel shotgun. I tried to file a restraining order, but the police laughed at me and hang up every time I call." Startling indeed.

Proponents of McClellan point to video footage of Bush, Cheney, Rice, and Rumsfield all telling the same story; Iraq has WMD's, they are building Nukes, and they are in league with Al Queda. After these three allegations were found to be false, the aforementioned denied having made these statements at all.

Proponents also cite Bush's speech during the 2004 white house correspondents dinner in which he jokingly looks around the podium, only to conclude that "these weapons of mass destruction have to got be around here somewhere." Let me remind you that over 4,100 Americans Soldiers have died in Iraq.

If there is a hell, George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Don Rumsfield will be the main attraction for a long time.